Hello my amazing friends,
I just wanted to let you all know that I have moved. http://www.cynthiamatos.com
please stop by and visit me and keep up with my crazy fun crazy again life 😉
Jenifer Lopez admitted in an interview when she was prompted with a question about her “non-traditional” family, that she has let society get in her head. She talked about dealing with those grueling feelings of failure that moms tend to deal with on a daily basis. She actually gave me an insight into her motherhood that allowed me to finally relate to her. Yes, I can relate to Jenifer Lopez, not because she is latina, not because she has two kids, not even because she is an artist. I relate to her because many times I have felt the same feelings about my role as a mother.
My mind is a daily battlefield. If my kids get a low grade on a test, I feel it is because I didn’t spend enough time studying with them and for that I failed them, or if they get sick with a cold, it’s because I forgot to give them their vitamins and for that I failed them too. I mean, the pressure I put on myself to be this “perfect mom” in this “prefect family” is out of control. I try to be “perfect” just to be constantly confronted by my imperfections. Every night I go through a mental audit to see where I failed that day and let me tell you the list gets longer and longer everyday.
Why this need to be perfect? Have I let society get in my head too? Am I a victim of my own crazy idea of being a “perfect mom” and having a “perfect family”? I think so. JLo said that she has to frequently remind herself that as long as her kids feel that they are loved more than anything in the world, as long as they feel safe and protected, then that’s all that matters. I must remind myself of the same and give myself a break. This constant battle is not a healthy way of living and it’s not something I want to pass on to my daughter nor my son. There is no such a thing as a perfect mom or a perfect family and I know that, yet I still thrive for that doing more harm than good to my family and myself.
I pledge to go easy on me, to do the best I can and to be ok with the outcome. If I stop demanding perfection from myself and love myself anyway then my kids will know that they don’t need to be perfect in oder to be loved by me, and that my friends… is perfect!
A few days ago my son came home with a permission slip for me to sign. I held the paper in my hands and proceeded to reed it. “Here we go again, another field trip or another fundraising thing” -I thought. “What!…a PUBERTY MOVIE?”-I screamed. I was holding in my hands a permission slip to allow my fifth grader to watch a “maturity video” with his class. My heart started raising faster and my mind went crazy. “I can’t believe we are there already. My boy is too young for puberty. My baby…”. Thoughts bombarded me making me realize that time has gone by and my boy is no longer a baby and that, indeed, he is growing.
Today I sat in the auditorium to screen the movie before signing the permission slip, just because I wanted to make sure the message he was going to receive was aligned to what we think is appropriate for him to know at this age. In the video, they talked about body odor, facial hair, other regions hairs and, of course, they talked about wet dreams. They showed a picture of the male genitalia explaining what happens when IT wakes up. As I was seating there watching this all I could think was how fast the time has gone by. Then I realized that I still see my boy as that chubby cheeked delicious little boy holding my hand and not wanting to let go that first day of pre-school, but in two weeks that same boy is culminating fifth grade. Time is flying and I better hurry and teach him all I’m supposed to because before I know it, I’ll be standing in front of his college dorm, crying, saying goodbye and trusting my Lord that He will protect him and guide him as my little grown boy embarks in his own journey.
I did sign the permission slip allowing him to watch it. I knew his friends were going to watch it and you know how kids are. I wanted him to get the information right instead of getting it from boys his age. I figured we would do our part here at home.
Tonight the cuddling ritual will change slightly. Daddy will be doing the tucking in, while answering any questions my boy may have. And as I pray tonight over my boy, I’ll pray for sweet and dry dreams 😉
I sure need a glass of wine tonight, CHEERS!
Til next time,
This is a very interesting video. I want to share it with you because I would like your opinion on this.
My question is, Who is doing the laundry and cleaning the house while he takes his invigorating bike ride with his son? And, who is planning dinner? Really!?
Are the stay-at-home dad responsibilities the same as of a stay-at-home mom? I’m not sure they are.
What do you think?
In my opinion, stay at home dads and stay at home moms are not created equal.
til next time,
This morning as I cleared the obvious evidence of our morning madness, I noticed the box of cereal. The poor box of cereal became the victim of one of my kids trying to open it. It’s always the same thing, the top gets all torn up and the bag inside is ripped open and all the cereal spills from the bag into the box. I get so frustrated every single time.
The reality is that opening a box of cereal can be a difficult task for a kid. You need to know the right amount of force to use- too much muscle on the box and that little sleeve on top rips and you are not able to lock the box. Too much force on the bag and you have cereal all over the kitchen floor. Something that should be easy for our kids to do is so difficult.
On the other hand, I get disconcerted by thinking about how easy it is for kids to be exposed to everything we don’t want them to see. From pornography to violence, from Honey Boo Boo to Keeping Up with The Kardashians. It is extremely easy for kids to be exposed to sexual predators and all kinds of dangers via the internet. I have set parental control on everything that allows me and I monitor very closely what they watch and what they listen to. It has nothing to do with being controlling, it has to do with being a responsible parent, in my opinion.
Why is it so much easier for my kids to be exposed to these dangers online than it is for them to open the box of cereal? We got it all backwards.
Once again I say, I know I won’t be able to protect my kids from everything and I’m ok with that. Another thing I know is that if you want to get in my computer you are going to need a password 😉 CHEERS!
til next time,
I haven’t been the one to constantly be offering my two cents on politics or any other controversial issues. However, today I can’t keep quiet. Abercrombie & Fitch really stroke a cord in me this week. The comments perfunctorily made by this company’s CEO really show how shallow and irresponsible he is, reflecting badly on his company. I understand branding and marketing but to go as far as naming his target market “the cool kids” makes me angry. What is that saying to the kid that will never be a size 2? What is the message being heard by that girl and boy who has been struggling with self-image issues and/or eating disorders?
It is really obvious to me that he doesn’t understand what civic responsibility is, which is shocking to me because you would think a person in his position is educated enough to know this.
I am a mother of two kids. My daughter is a gorgeous tennis player, and she may never be a size 2, how can one know? But she is cool as heck. My son might fit your target but he is way wiser than you and that makes him way too cool.
Mr. Jeffries, as citizens of humanity we have a responsibility to do the right thing for ourselves as well as for others and that, by the way, is civic responsibility. When your career places you in a position where your words and actions can make an impact on millions of people you better think before you speak. My problem with you is not your marketing strategy; is your insensitive way of communicating it. Next time before you open your mouth, THINK!
I will never buy your clothes and my kids will never wear your clothes again. I refuse to give business to a company whose leader is so irresponsible and careless. Abercrombie & Fitch: my kids are too cool for you.
til next time,
The following post is not of my authorship; nevertheless, it is WORTH reading and sharing.
As a stay at home mom, I struggle with crazy feelings of being unworthy and even a burden instead of a partner. A lot of these feelings are attached to the fact that I don’t bring home a paycheck to contribute to the household expenses.
At times these feelings have landed me on the couch at my therapist office, and other times I have had the clarity of mind to just snap out of it and really see the truth. As much as I know how important my role as a stay at home mom is, sometimes I need to just hear it or read it from someone else.
That’s why I want to share this article with all of you. I really hope it brings perspective to every stay at home mom and to every husband of one, because sometimes all we need to see is a number.
A few days ago we, as a nation, were pleasantly surprised by the resurfacing of the three Cleveland women who had been kidnapped a decade ago. Ten years! My son was only one year old when one of them was taken. He just got back from a school trip with his fifth grade class. He was gone for 8 days and the separation anxiety nearly killed me. I can’t even try to understand what these families went through all these years.
Another woman was taken nine years ago, my daughter is nine! I can’t help but think about all the joy I have experienced all these years while these women and their families have been grieving and desperately keeping their hope alive.
A lot of people see me and probably think that I am a crazy, overprotective mom. Well, they are right. I’m crazy about my kids and I’ll do ANYTHING to protect them. Heck, they might categorize me as a helicopter mom for all I care. See, I know I won’t be able to protect them from everything but whatever is in my capacity I will do.
A couple of nights ago there was joy in the homes of these women, but often that’s not the case thanks to the terminal illness we are suffering from as a country- human trafficking. People think it is only happening in other countries where the education rate is in the single digits and where technology is scarce, not realizing that it is happening here in our own cities, in our own backyard. I’m sure we could have more good news and more celebrations in homes from more found victims if we were to look beyond the surface. Let’s pay attention to our surroundings because we could be the ones bringing the good news to a grieving family.
Stories like this, like of these Cleveland women, let me know that I’m doing my kids a service by being protective and aware of what’s going on in the world. People may look at me and think I need to loosen up a bit and that’s fine if they want to think that. I have been entrusted with my two kids and I will do anything in my power to keep them safe. I’m not a helicopter mom, I’m just protecting my kids.
I raise my glass to these families and partake in their joy, CHEERS!
til next time,
Tuesday morning my son departed to Washington, DC on a school trip with his fifth grade classmates. What an interesting day Tuesday was for me. Excited for him to have this amazing experience, but sad for me because my boy was leaving without me. The day before, while he was in school, I packed his bag organizing his outfits by day in big space bags. I wrote notes and placed them in every bag to surprise him every day. That night as I’m tucked him in bed he started crying and he said, “Mami, I’m going to miss you and Papi and Camila”. The crying went on for awhile so I told him that he really didn’t have to go, but he said he wanted to. I kissed him and hugged him and he finally fell asleep.
4:00 am came and the alarm went off, I woke up and realized that, that morning my boy was leaving. I got bombarded with thoughts, “Will he be ok? Is he going to get home sick? I don’t want him to suffer. I don’t want him to be miserable all the way across the country. Oh my gosh!!! I’m going to miss my boy” I was freaking out but I managed to get him up pretending I was excited and trying to keep it together. See, my boy had never been away from home without close family, so this trip is a big deal. We made it to the airport by 6:00 AM. My husband pulled up by the curve side as we were told to do, and we got out of the car. Gabriel hugged his dad goodbye and he started to cry. Immediately I took my phone and told them to pose for a picture, that took some of the intensity of the moment off. I walked in the terminal with him and right away the teacher leader of his group gave him his ticket and told him to get in line. Some kids were crying, some were laughing with friends and some were just going with the motion -Gabriel. He checked in at the counter with his luggage like a big boy and was immediately directed to the security check point line all while I looked from the distance. He wouldn’t make eye contact with me and I realized it was his way of coping with the moment. He made it through the check point, grabbed his jacket and backpack and was about to walk away until I screamed “Gabriel” he looked back, I waived, he waived back and off he went. I didn’t get to hug him nor kiss him goodbye.
My husband and I got back to the house and he went to work and then it hit me “OH SSSSSHHHHNAP I DIDN’T KISS MY BOY. I DIDN’T HUG HIM” and I started crying like a little girl. I know that was the best thing to do, not to hug him or kiss him because he and I know that would have been it. He would have lost it and so would have I, but man… I know this is a trip he will remember for the rest of his life. I know he is going to learn and have a blast. I know this is a growing experience for him and for me. I know allowing him to grow and experience things on his own is necessary and that we as parents won’t be able to hold on to them forever. I also know that letting go of wanting to hold on is the toughest thing I’ve ever had to do.
I miss my boy and I know he misses me but thank God for technology. The teachers have been posting pictures on twitter for the mental health of parents like me and once in awhile I can see him smiling and that makes this whole crazy thing a tiny bit easier. It’s only day 3 and I’m counting down the days to his return.
So I leave you now because I need to go back to twitter to see if I can see my boy one more time before he goes to bed.
til next time,
til next time,