Tag Archives: Mother

“And This Is How You Don’t Burn The Bacon Like Mami Does”

This morning was a very interesting one for me. Kids were getting ready and I’m in the kitchen making my cappuccino first, of course, and making their breakfast. I make eggs, bread in toaster and I start to cook the bacon. Suddenly, my son runs to the kitchen and abruptly tells me ” stop! I’ll cook the bacon”. “OOOO-K” I said, looking at him like a third eye had just grown in the middle of his forehead. He told me, ” Don’t worry mami, I just want to cook the bacon. I am the bacon expert.” So I let him. He cut the turkey bacon strips in half and put them in the pan and started sizzling away while singing “I’m sexy and I know it” and doing the respective dace moves. It was a sight to enjoy while drinking my double cappuccino.

I finished buttering the toasts and serving the eggs. He placed the bacon on his open face sandwich and says,  ”AND THIS IS HOW YOU DON’T BURN THE BACON LIKE MAMI DOES, TAH TAHHH”.
“Did he just say that?” I asked myself and then I said, ” little boy normally when I cook the bacon I’m also cooking the eggs and buttering the toast while serving your orange juice and making my coffee AT-THE-SAME-TIME. Sorry for overcooking your bacon” (with an overload of sarcasm).

I had two choices at that point. Do I let this comment take over my emotions and make me feel inadequate? I mean who burns bacon? My own kid feels the need to cook the bacon himself because I always fail at it. Or I could just decide to look at it and say,  ”Good, from now on you are in charge of the bacon station .” I chose the second option and I think I’m going to take it even further. I thinking maybe I’ll start burning dinner , who knows maybe they’ll take over dinner too.   Life is just how you look at it.

Enjoy your weekend,  CHEERS!

Til next time

Cynthia

 

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Picture Perfect

Today is picture day at school for my 9-year-old princess. A week ago, she had put a request for me to straighten her hair for this event, so last night, I did.  After I was done blow drying her hair she ran to the mirror to look at herself and play with her silky hair. She would run her fingers through it while mumbling some words to herself. She was completely oblivious to my presence so I stayed quiet and just took it all in.

As I saw my princess contemplating herself in the mirror I couldn’t help but wonder- during her journey through womanhood, what will my princess see every time she looks in the mirror? Will she just see curly hair or will she see possibilities? Will she see skin color or will she see her humanity? Will she see a dreamer or will she see her limitations? Will she see a broken heart or will she know she deserves better? Will she see her accomplishments or just her failures? Will she see both?

Will she see vulnerability or will she see weakness? How about her beauty, will she see that? The beauty that is beyond hair, lipstick and blush…the one inside, deep inside her soul. Will she see mercy? Mercy for her, mercy for others. Will she see her mistakes to learn from them or will she see regret? Will she see her value, her worthiness or will she see her flaws?  Will she see a mother, though not perfect, a loving mother or will she see unreached expectations and demands?

Will she see her wrinkles as time wasted or will she see them as a testament of wisdom, strength and perseverance? Will she see what I see? Will she see LOVE?

I don’t know what it will be, all I can do is trust that her soul is kept pure and I’ll enjoy today because today she looks picture perfect.

One thing I know though, I can do a mean blow out 🙂

And on that note, CHEERS!

Til next time,

Cynthia

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Unmasking The Mask

Have you seen the movie “The Mask”?  You know, Jim Carey with a green face, acting wacky and silly? The movie is about a nice and normal guy, who one day finds an ancient mask. The funny part is that this mask, when worn, has several effects on the person wearing it. The effects are superhuman speed, crazy flexibility among popping eyes and other things.  Well, I have a mask and like in the movie, my mask gives me powers.  When I wear my mask people like me and accept me and  that to me is pretty powerful. My motherhood journey is fueled by mask moments. Most of my adult life is filled with mask moments too.

My mask is SHAME. Shame (fear of reveling one true self) stops me from being vulnerable.  If I’m not vulnerable then I can’t connect, but my existence depends on my connection to others because that’s how humans are wired. So, for that reason, I’m unmasking shame. This is who I really am:

I’m the most anti-social person

I’m shy and insecure

I yell at my kids almost every day (I think I didn’t yell last Sunday…oh wait)

I deal with self-image issues

I don’t know how to manage time

I don’t know how to communicate with my husband nor my kids

Most days I feel like I have no clue of what I’m doing

I constantly battle thoughts of inadequacy (like I mentioned in previous post)

I can’t keep up with house, husband and kids

I forget my kids’ doctors appointments

I forget to put sunblock on my kids

I feel like a failure because my singing career is not where I thought it would be by this time in my life.

I feel like I’m a mess

I’m always conscious about my accent, I feel people can’t understand me

This is just a small list but I think you get the point.

Since I was really young I’ve known that I want to make an impact in this world, to make a difference. I’ve known that I want to empower women of all ages to live up to their full potential. But, how can I do that if I don’t open myself up? How can I help others if they can’t really see me?

I am tired of wearing this mask.  I am letting go of  who I think I’m supposed to be and I going to embrace who I actually am. I have decided to be vulnerable and let you all see who I really am.  I’m letting go of shame so you can see my face. I really hope that you’ll still like me but I want you to know that if you don’t, it’s totally ok.

On that note CHEERS!

til next time

Cynthia

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Not One of Those Days

Today I’m feeling like “a not so good Mom”.  I could blame it on hormones, I could blame it on the heat outside (southern California is burning up),  I could even blame it on fifth grade. The reality is that I often struggle with thoughts of inadequacy and failure.  The fear of failing as a mother hunts me day and night. The fact that I’m responsible for two little creatures that drive me insanely crazy is a scary thought.  Something I say or don’t say  could mess them up for ever.  Not only am I responsible for my health, I’m responsible for theirs.  Their doing well in school depends on me and if a behaviour issue comes up I feel like is a reflexion of something I did or didn’t do.  My mom told me when I got pregnant with my first child, that motherhood was the most beautiful thing a woman could experience. What she failed to tell me was that it is also the most challenging thing EVER. That there would be days when I would want to drop the towel and run away.  Days when I would have to build them up even when I’m crawling in my despair.  That motherhood is all about delayed gratification.

My days are 5-hour days. From 8am to 2pm I must do everything I need to do.  Go to the market, the dry cleaner, squeeze an hour work out, come home to make beds, pick up the kitchen to wipe away the evidence of the morning madness, try to take a shower, do a load of laundry and try to fold some laundry, prep dinner and leave the house by 2pm to find parking and get my kids.  After that, “my time” is no more.  Homework, arguing children, extra curricular activities (tennis in our case), dinner, showers all before their bed time, because they need to get their rest and I need to clean the kitchen so the next morning it could be the witness of madness one more time.

My lovely therapist, which I can’t wait to see on Friday, told me to enjoy my kids to the fullest because one day soon they will no longer need me as much. To what I replied; WHEN? I know I must enjoy and I get it, it’s just so hard to do when you are tired and overwhelmed and trying to figure yourself out in the process. There are great days where I can see their little faces and be mesmerized by their beauty and melt at their touch and smile at everything they say. But today is not one of those days.  And the hardest part?  I still have to show them love and respect and be present.  Today I went to the market and forgot to buy the milk, but thank God I remembered to buy the wine 🙂

til next time,

Cynthia

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